My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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