i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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