i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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