bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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