but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
