upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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