i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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