Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
