Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
