Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
