you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
