Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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