god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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