I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
