he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
