If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
