Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
