he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
