I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
