Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
