We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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