I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
