Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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