i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
