so that wasnt chicken after all
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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