K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
