At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He? As in you personified your dick?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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