I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You took a bar mat shot.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
