last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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