remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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