his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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