you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
