I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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