it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
