I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
