She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
