Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
