So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
