she woke up with a sticky ear
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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