I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
