she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
