no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
