Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
