Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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