She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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