you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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