Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
