Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
