your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
