Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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