Apparently you make a good broom.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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