Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
