It's Friday. Sex?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
