we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i drank out of a bidet.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
