I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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