Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
