I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
