I'm drive I can fine osifer
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
