i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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