Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
