Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
