I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
