My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
