Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
