So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize