Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
