I haven't been this sober since birth.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
