filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize