direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
