So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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