Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
