She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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