I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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