If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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