but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
